Hi all! I know I’ve been absent for a while, but things have been really busy here at Divergence. We’ve put out a casting call and have reached out to the autistic community for feedback and are getting a lot of interest on both. I have noticed though, that many don’t realize that Atticus is based on me. Perhaps a little loosely, especially since my own knowledge of the subject is still somewhat fledgling, but the more I learn, the more I wonder how no one ever saw the traits in me. Having to figure this all out myself in my thirties is proving a real challenge.
So, I wanted to ramble at you a bit about what this all means for me and for the company. Two of my basic traits are social anxiety and anxiety caused by a disruption to my routine. “But you want to be a filmmaker!” you cry. “That’s all about unpredictability and long days on the set.” Yes, I know. It sounds a bit contradictory, doesn’t it? For as long as I can remember, though, I’ve wanted to work in the entertainment industry. I’ve never harbored any notions of being an actor or anything like that. I was strictly a behind the scenes person. For the most part, I’ve been a writer. But now we’re talking about directing and producing and having to contact actor’s agents. “That must be so hard for you?” you wonder. And the truth is, yes, yes it is. I’ve yet to call anyone on the phone and get nervous just thinking about it. Luckily, the internet has kept that at bay for now. And there are times when the whole thing just seems too overwhelming, and I feel like an idiot that doesn’t know what they’re doing. On the other hand, it’s all very glorious and wonderful. Something I’ve always wanted is starting to come true, and trust me, it’s been a long and harrowing road here.
I imagine there will be times when I just want it to end. I have this vision of me in a tiny house in the wilderness somewhere, just me and a couple of dogs and my garden. It’s a vision that becomes strong when things feel too overwhelming and I just want to get away from it all. I’ve felt it in the back of my mind here and there the past six months, but never very strongly, and not nearly as much as I did before I started this movie making journey. I feel very much like this is the path I need to be on. Ever see the new Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency? It’s a lot like that. Things really are connected, and if you learn to see the patterns, the path will lead you where you’re supposed to be. I feel like I’m going in the right direction, but the universe never said that meant it would all be easy.
Divergence Productions 